Love and Hope
by tv-addict007
Summary: All she had wanted was a better life. For her and for those she cared the most for. But once again, her life was intruded by pain and loss. She seemed to never get a peaceful life, but maybe it was how it should be. She was a fighter and once again, she'll fight for the ones she loves. TIVA
1. Prologue

**Hi everyone. I know, something new again, but an idea struck me and I just couldn't stop writing and planning.**

**So, please give it a try.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

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**Prologue**

Tony ran as fast as he could through the narrow corridor, trying to move steadily on the swaying ground. He tried to put some distance between him and his pursuers, but in the end, it wouldn't matter how much distance he had to them. He was caught with no chance of an escape.

Tony was on a small freighter somewhere in the Pacific. He was undercover as one of the sailors, but somehow his cover had been blown. He had no idea how, though. He had been very careful, hadn't tried to draw any attention on him. Somebody must have betrayed him. But this wasn't his only worry at the time.

The freighter was caught up in the middle of a heavy storm and before he was chased through the ship, he heard rumors that there was a leak somewhere and that water was flooding slowly but steadily into the ship. It wouldn't take long and the freighter will sink down to the bottom of the ocean. Tony didn't know why, but those men wanted to capture him rather than try to get of this damn ship as soon as possible. In Tony's mind, they were crazy. Crazy and stupid, because he couldn't escape, couldn't get off the ship and they didn't need to pursue him. He'd be dead soon, anyway. The only chance he had was to reach one of the lifeboats before them. But it was just a slim chance.

He looked over his shoulder to see how much distance was between him and the men, as he rounded a corner and crashed into something hard. Tony could barely keep himself standing on his feet, while he stumbled a little backwards and looked up to see into what he had run. The only thing he saw was a fist and he reacted to slow to dodge it. This time he went down by this surprising attack.

The seaman who knocked him down, grabbed him on his collar and crossed Tony's arms in a painful position. It didn't take long before the others arrived at the scene."What are we doing with him?"

The captain thought briefly about it, as the ship swayed suddenly hard to the left and everyone was pressed against the wall. "We don't have time for that. We have to get off the ship. Chain him. The water masses will kill him slowly and painfully!"

Tony started to panic. There was no way he'll die drowning! "What?! You can't do this!"

"Oh, I can and I will. Bruno, take him down to the hold and take of the fact that he won't be able to flee."

"You're making a mistake!" shouted Tony to him as he was dragged to the hold. He tried the whole way to change the mind of this huge man of a sailor, tried to get out of the grip of Bruno, but he had no chance. He was unarmed, without backup and in no way a threat to anyone right now.

The whole time Bruno stayed silent and when they reached the room, he tied a rope around Tony, so that he was bound to a metal column. "Come on, man! You can't just leave me here!"

"This is what happens to traitors. They're eradicated."

"But maybe I have some information that could be of use for you." tried Tony to lure him.

A short glimmer of hope charged through Tony when Bruno paused his movement thoughtfully. But it vanished as quickly as it came when the giant man made his way out of the hold without releasing Tony.

"Hey!" yelled Tony after him, but he was ignored. An immense bang roared through the ship and it tipped strongly to the right. Tony closed his eyes and tried to find a solution for his current problem. It couldn't end like this, could it? Tied to a column, drowning to the bottom of the Pacific? Did he really live through the plague to just die such a banal way? All alone by himself?

Suddenly he remembered his small knife he had fastened on his right leg. Because the giant tied him rather securely to the column, he couldn't move his upper body. He raised his right leg and tried to reach the knife, but he couldn't. Only a few inches were missing. He tried to lift his leg higher and cursed himself that he hadn't taken care of his fitness lately. He feared that his leg will spasm soon as he finally got a hold of the knife.

"Ha!" cheered Tony about his success. It was a small knife but it was at least something. It represented hope. Hope that he may once again have a chance to get off that ship alive. He began to saw through the rope.

An ear-deafening noise came from one of the corners behind Tony, but he didn't try to turn around and look what happened. He continued sawing the rope. Every second counted, because every second he didn't saw, was one second closer to his death. The crew was without a doubt already in the lifeboats and he just hoped that they hadn't used all of them.

By now he sawed through the first part of the rope, but there still remained too much of the rope. He briefly looked around the room as he continued to free himself and he faltered with his work as he heard a noise that was anything but reassuring. He heard water. There was water flooding into the room. It came from the same corner from where the metallic noise had come from. Now he really needed to hurry up!

When he was halfway through the rope, the water already reached his ankles. He concentrated himself fully on his task and sawed as fast as he could, because he hadn't a lot of time anymore. The water level rose quickly. Another metallic sound chimed and he prayed to god that it hadn't been another leak, otherwise he wouldn't make it off the ship alive and will be forever buried on the seabed, the ship being his iron coffin.

After another seven minutes, the rope was sawed through enough that Tony could slip out of his cage at the column. Meanwhile the water reached his thighs. He didn't wait long until he waded through the water towards the door. The corridor looked the same as the hold. Everywhere was water and it rose steadily.

Tony struggled from corridor to corridor. He exhaled relieved when he reached the last corridor that will lead him directly to the deck, but his anticipation was soon gone when he rounded the last corner and noticed the closed door. He stopped and tried to open it, but it didn't move one bit.

He considered briefly whether he should stay and try to open the door, or if he should try his luck at the other door, two corridors down. Without putting much more thought into it, he hurried down the corridor towards the other one. What he did forget however, was that he had to go down a floor. It wasn't a long corridor he had to pass through until he would go up again, but when he stood in front of the stairs, he saw that the level below was already under water.

Determined to fight to the end, he inhaled deeply and dived into the cold water. He could hardly see anything and because his lungs weren't the best anymore, they soon started to burn. They thirsted for oxygen. Oxygen, he couldn't get at the moment. As fast as he could, he tried to reach the stairs that'll lead him up again. He wanted out of the dark, cold water that threatened to devour him.

Finally he reached the stairs and he plunged out of the water, breathing in as much air as he could. His body trembled from the cold water, but he ignored it and ran to the door. He couldn't do anything against the coldness, he had to just live with it at the moment. He was in the middle of nowhere and his fight for his life was technically pointless. He hadn't a way off the ship and he didn't know any island that was close to his position that he could reach swimming. But still, his survival instincts pushed him further.

When he saw the door he could have broken out in tears of joy. It was open! Water flowed unhindered into the ship, but it wasn't too much right now. But that will surely change soon.

Tony ran to the deck. Nobody could be seen and because of the bad water, he couldn't see if the crew made it successfully off of the freighter. He ran to the right side of the ship, where he knew the lifeboats were stored, but as he arrived there, he went into a full panic mode. All boats were gone!

Again, there was a loud, metallic noise and when he turned around he was hit from something big and hard into his side and was catapulted off the ship into the ocean. The last thing he remembered were the huge water masses that devoured him**.**

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**Should I continue with this story?**


	2. Chapter 1

**Thanks for taking interest in my new story and thank you for your lovely reviews.**

**This story is really just beginning with this chapter and Tony won't be in any of the next few chapters, but don't worry there'll be enough of him in later ones.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

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**Chapter 1**

**Tel Aviv, 3 years later**

Ziva sat in the visitor room of Mossad. The room hadn't changed since her days at Mossad, it was still cold and poorly furnished. It consisted just of a table and four chairs, no windows, no plants and no water donator. Nothing that could make the wait more pleasant.

She sat worriedly on her chair. Ziva had been sitting there for a half an hour, waiting on Deputy Director Elbaz. She had been picked up because of urgent matters, but since he had to wait so long, those matters couldn't be as urgent as they told her. She had always refused to go to Mossad since she left the US. For the last six months, Mossad tried to recruit her again but not as an officer. They tried to get her as a trainer.

Ziva always turned down the offer as soon as it had been stated. She wanted to start a new life, had left her family in D.C. for this new chance. She wouldn't just throw it away by going back to Mossad, inviting in pain and loss again and she really had been happy in the last three and a half years. She had wanted a peaceful and quite life and she got it. It had been difficult at the beginning, she had nothing and was on her own. She had never thought that a new beginning could be that hard. There hadn't been one day she hadn't missed her American friends and even if it had become less over the years, she still thought daily about them.

Now she had been working at a little local school for the last two years. Those kids had her full attention and she taught them to how to read and write, she played with them and hugged them close to her if they were sad. When she had been still an agent, she'd have never thought that she'd work with children one day. Not that she didn't like kids, it was just difficult for her. But meanwhile her uneasiness around them was gone and she was happy about every day she could spend with them.

Today she wouldn't see those little angles. This morning she had been rudely woken up by Adam. She hadn't seen him in a long time and she already thought that Mossad had sent him to talk her into coming back. Before he could have even said anything to her, she told him that she'd still had no interest of coming back and that he could just leave again. He had just stared at her before he shook his head and told her, nearly whispering it, that she should come with him, that it hadn't nothing to do with the standing job offer.

Her immediate response had been to decline again. She didn't want to go with him, didn't evenwant to be anywhere near the building in which Mossad planned their missions. However, something seemed to depress him, had something on him she couldn't place. He knew something that he didn't want to tell her yet or wasn't authorized to tell her. In his eyes had flickered something that looked like pity. Just for a moment, but it was enough for Ziva's resolve to break. Whatever it was that he or Mossad wanted with her, it had nothing to do with a job offer. Silently he went back to the car and waited for her while she called her colleague from the local school to tell her that she couldn't come in today.

Adam was a friend. He'd never interfere with her life just to try to get her to do something she didn't want to do. That had probably been the reason why they had sent him and also the reason why she had accompanied with him back to Mossad. It was about something else than a job offer.

On the drive to Mossad he did not once say a word and when they had arrived, he led her to the visitor room in which she had been since then and nobody seemed to dare coming in to tell her what was going on.

When the door finally opened she actually had expected it to be Adam who took mercy on her, but she didn't know the man that entered the room. He was rather young, had short black hair, a striking face and brown eyes. She assumed that he hadn't been long with Mossad yet.

"Miss David." greeted the stranger her politely, but she had enough off the games Mossad was playing. She wanted answers. Now.

"Why am I here?"

"The deputy director would like to speak to you."

"And where _is_ she then? I was told it was urgent and now I have been waiting for her for the last thirty minutes without one person coming in and telling me what is going on."

"I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. I just know that it concerns some private matters. Deputy Director Elbaz will talk to you soon. The meeting she is in at the moment is taking longer than planned. But you're authorized to wait in the gardens if you want to. The deputy director thought that you would rather want to wait outside than in this visitor room."

Ziva rolled her eyes. _Authorized to wait outside._ _Nice._ First she had been awoken in the wee hours just to be sitting now at Mossad, waiting for the time Elbaz would find suitable to speak to her. Ziva grabbed her little bag and left the room. Even if she didn't want to admit it, but Elbaz was right, she'd rather wait outside than in this room. She had never liked this room, not even in her days as an officer.

As she stepped out of the building, she breathed in as much fresh air as she could. She spent a lot of time outside and enjoyed every minute of it. This place had always been her favorite one. Although it was just a little garden, not many people came out here which made it something like a quiet and peaceful sanctuary. She had been always able to recharge her energy while planning missions and to collect and sort out her thoughts before opening those thick doors again, walking straight back towards chaos, death and pain.

She walked a few steps as she noticed a movement behind her. When she turned around she saw the young officer standing by the doors, keeping an eye on her. It didn't surprise her. She was here as a guest and guest were always under observation. He'd be with her as long as she waited for Elbaz to show.

She wasn't disconcerted by his presence as she strode down the small path between flower beds, followed by the officer. On both sides were planted roses in all kind of variations. She decided that roses were next to be planted in her garden.

Before she could walk any further down the path, the doors opened and Elbaz entered the small place. Ziva watched as she sent away the officer before walking up to where she stood waiting impatiently for her.

Elbaz smiled apologetic. "I'm sorry for letting you wait. I wanted to come earlier, but a video conference was preventing me to do so."

Since she didn't want to cause a scene, she smiled and swallowed down her annoyance. "I am sure it had been something important that couldn't wait."

"That's right. There are times I don't know what to do first."

"Well, now you are here. Care to elaborate why I am here?" She didn't want to waste any more time at Mossad.

"Of course. You had to wait long enough. I brought you here because there is something you need to know and I didn't want to tell you over the phone. If I'd be in your position, I wouldn't want to get to know this over the phone."

Ziva had no idea what Elbaz was trying to say to her, which led her to not knowing if she should be irritated or nervous. After a short break Elbaz continued. "It's about your former partner, Agent DiNozzo. He was undercover on a freighter, which had been used for smuggling. He had been a member of the crew for one month, before the ship got caught up in a bad storm and sunk."

Ziva was shocked. She couldn't believe what she just heard. Had he made it? Had he been admitted in a hospital? Was he _alright_? So many questions and she had no answers to them. Not yet. "Is he alright?"

"Ziva, that had been three years ago. He is missing ever since. Until yesterday, that is."

Ziva looked hopefully at Elbaz. She was as eager to hear the news as much as she was scared of them. She had absolutely no idea if Elbaz had good new or bad ones, her face showed no signs of which one it could be. Her heart pondered in her chest while she waited.

"I'm sorry, Ziva. The search has been canceled yesterday and as of today, Special Agent DiNozzo had been officially stated as dead."

She had never thought that just one sentence was able to shatter her life into little pieces. She had always feared that one of the few people close to her could get hurt and now the man who may be closest to her had been declared dead. Ziva downright hear how the remaining pieces of her life clattered to the ground and everything else was faded out. Her heart hammered so strong in her chest that she had the feeling it would burst out.

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**I hope you liked it. I wish you all a nice week :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm very sorry that it took so long, I'm very busy right now.**

**I know you're going to hate me for what I'm saying next, but this will be the last update of this story for a while. It's not because I've lost inspiration, but I have just no time to write. I'll have my final exams in a month and have to concentrate on my studies. I'll promise that as soon as the exams are over I'll update again! The same goes with my other stories. I'll try to update each of them before I take a break on writing. I'm sorry to keep you hanging like this, but those exams are very important for my future.**

**I want to thank everyone who followed/favorited/reviewed. It means a lot to me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

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**Chapter 2**

Gibbs opened tiredly his front door. It had been a hell of a day, but somehow every day had been hard for the last three years. They had closed a case today and went out for drinks afterwards. Since Tony disappeared, they have met each other more outside of work. They would just sit together and maybe even look after their missing friend, but until now they haven't found him. He was still missing somewhere in the Pacific.

He went directly to his basement. He needed to think and he could always think best while working on something in his basement. Yesterday his Senior Field Agent had been officially been declared as dead. _Special Agent Anthony D. DiNozzo had died in the name of his country._ Gibbs had been feeling nauseous as he had heard those words. They had just given up with the search and with that, they had given up all hope of ever finding him.

Step by step he went down the stairs. He wasn't in a hurry, his energy long since gone. He was just about to pour himself a glass of bourbon when he suddenly stopped with his movement. His gut told him that he wasn't alone. His fingers slid slowly to his spare gun he hid in his workbench. As quick as he could he turned around and pointed his gun into the darkness.

He didn't see any movements and Gibbs already started to doubt his instincts. He looked closer and tried to recognize anything that didn't belong there and he was relieved that he hadn't been mistaken as he made out the outlines of a person sitting in the dark corner. The person wasn't moving and as he still pointed his gun at the unknown intruder, he reached for the small desk lamp and turned it towards the corner.

It wasn't that much lighter, but now he could at least see everything and he didn't need long to recognize who exactly was sitting in front of him. He hadn't thought that he'd see her again. She hadn't changed much, her body tone was a little bit darker but that didn't surprise him. This was normal after more than three years of the hot Israeli sun. Her hair was open and curly and while she looked alive and well, he eyes were empty.

Ziva just sat there, staring into nothingness. He didn't know if she had noticed him yet, but she seemed not to. If he wouldn't see her breathing he'd believe that she was dead. Gibbs didn't know why exactly she was here, but there was really just one conclusion if he had to guess.

Someone must have informed her about Tony. Gibbs had wanted to inform her himself not long after he had gotten the news about Tony's disappearance, but in the end he couldn't do it. He didn't want to tell her while they were just starting to search for him. Ziva would've clung to the little bit of hope they had had of finding him only to be let down in the end. As far as she was concerned, she was in Israel living a normal life until now. He would've told her soon, but it seemed that somebody was faster than him. Of course he had thought that she deserved to know that her ex-partner was missing and there were days he had thought about calling her, but he didn't. She had bid farewell to a life with pain and loss, had begun a new life and Gibbs hadn't had wanted to pull her back into this mess. Not without further information. In Gibbs opinion they hadn't really searched for his agent and while they ended this thing they had called search, he still believed that Tony was somewhere out there.

Gibbs put his gun away and reached for a second glass that he filled with bourbon. He grabbed a wooden chair, put it next to Ziva and passed her the second glass. After she ignored him for a few seconds, she accepted it.

"I have tried to call him. Several times. But he had not answered any of them. When I arrived I went to his apartment immediately, but someone else is living there now. I didn't know where to go to other than here." said Ziva in a rough and emotionless voice. She had yet to look at him for the first time in years and now he knew again why he hadn't told her any of this.

Gibbs remained silent. What should he even response to that? Those were all just facts, facts that were proving that Tony wasn't in their lives anymore. Hadn't been for some time now. Besides he wasn't that much into talking, especially about things like this and she knew that. He was someone that comforted someone silently. By just being there.

"You have his goldfishes in your living room."

He had to smile at that. When the time had come to clear out Tony's apartment, he and the team had everything put into storage. But things weren't that easy with those two goldfishes, so he just had taken them with him.

Finally she looked at him, her eyes searching for something, an answer to a question she hadn't asked yet. He could barely recognize the little light that came back into her eyes as she seemed to find an answer to something.

"Why?"

Why? Well maybe it was because they were a part of Tony. Maybe it was because he still had hope. He still hoped to find his surrogate son because there was no way that Tony wouldn't have found a way off the ship. He may have always misled people by his behaviour but he was one of the smartest agents he knew. They had found the freighter but the lifeboats had been missing. There was no trace of the crew. He had clung to the last bit of hope while everyone else had just gave up.

Gibbs got up and went to his workbench. Ziva watched confused how he opened one of the drawers and searched for something. When he came back he unfolded a big sheet and she realized that it was a map. It was a detailed nautical chart of the Pacific.

"Somewhere here must have been the freighter Tony was on." told Gibbs and pointed to a point near the end of the map. "Do you see those islands there? They just searched half of them before giving up. They declared the search for too expensive for just one man. The area was too big and the chance of finding him alive to slim."

Ziva studied the map. He was right, there are a lot of islands. She hadn't even known that there were so many of little, uninhabited islands. "So are you trying to tell me that you think that Tony's still alive?" The rising level of hope could be heard in her voice and he saw how Ziva came slowly back to life in front of him. Like him, she now clung to the last how there was.

"There are so many island that I just can't believe that he couldn't rescue himself on one of them. My gut is telling me that he isn't dead and that's the reason why I won't give up."

"Your gut feeling had never been wrong, Gibbs."

"Well, that means that we'll have to search for him on our own."

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**I wish you all a good week and sorry again for putting a break on my stories.**

**Next update is planned around the end of May.**

**Maybe I'll finally find some time during my break to answer to your reviews. I already feel bad for not having it done by now!**

**Please feel free to get in touch with me via PM or my twitter account (at tv_addict007) if you want to know something about my stories or have questions in general.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone :)**

**I'm slowly getting back into writing again. Most of my exams are over and only two are left.**

**Hope you enjoy the next chapter. It's shorter than the others. Sorry.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

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**Chapter 3**

Ziva decanted tiredly the stairs. Though she hadn't really slept very well, she still had slept more than the night before. Thousands of thoughts were running through her head, making a restful sleep impossible.

Surprised she saw that Gibbs was already in the kitchen making coffee. Since it was still very early she had thought that he'd still be asleep, but it seemed that he was just as incapable to find some sleep as she was.

"Good morning." she greeted him.

"G'morning. Slept well?"

"Better than the night before."

Wordlessly he passed her a cup of coffee, which she was grateful for. This was exactly what she needed to start the day. After two days of almost no sleep she had the feeling of living on reserve, just a little light burned inside her and everything that was helping keeping that light burning, was welcomed by her. But maybe she already had lived the last three and a half years on reserve without even knowing it.

The work with the children helped her a lot with her new start. Somehow they gave her strength and joy, it was just wonderful. They didn't care about her past and were so full of life and love, she smiled every time she was with encouraged them to try out new things before judging, encouraging their natural curiosity and told them to not let them be forced into something they didn't want to do. Nobody should be forced into anything, the very least children. That was something Ziva knew all too well, but she had been blinded then.

She'll miss them while she was away, she already missed them now. But the search for Tony was more important at the moment. He was her friend, had been her partner for a long time and was somewhat family, even after no contact for such a long time. If there was just the slightest chance that he was somewhere out there alive, she had to search for him. He'd do it for her too, had already done it in the past. He had gotten her out of Saleem's claws, without even the slightest chance of her still being alive. There was still hope for him and she'll cling to it.

"How do you envision the search?"asked Ziva, being the first to break the silence.

"The old-fashioned way. We're searching island for island by ship. It'd take long but it's the most efficient way to ensure that we've searched everywhere."

"Do not misunderstand me, I'm in on the search but I have a lot of free time. I can't imagine Vance being happy if the MCRT is leaving for a search party in the Pacific."

"The MCRT won't go anywhere, at least not the whole team. Just you and I will go on the search for Tony. Bishop has a husband, a life outside of work and McGee is needed here, since Delilah's paralyzed."

Ziva was shocked at what she just heard. "What do you mean with paralyzed?"

"She was one of the victims of a bomb attack a few years ago. She was one of the lucky ones, she survived."

Ziva thought about it. Apparently she had missed a lot, but that had to be expected after so many years. She had always known that the life of her friends would go on without her there, even if it hadn't been the same anymore. But wasn't this one of the reasons she had left in the first place? To escape from all the pain and loss? And here she was again, back in D.C. with one of the most important person in her life and the reason for her return was again because of a loss. She had distanced herself from everything and everyone and had struggled so hard to begin a new life, a life she could be happy with and look back at more happy moments than sad ones. But it seemed that loss was firmly integrated with her life.

"The two of them have to stay here in case we need some information about something. Abby and Ducky aren't cut out for such a trip and Palmer has to look after his family. The only one left is me. Maybe it's time I retire for good."

Ziva thought about it. He was right, he was the only one who could just drop everything and leave for a long term search. He had no one that needed him to stay here. His dad and the team would even back them up with their plans. Besides he knew all the details on Tony's case while she just knew that he went missing.

"And where do we start to search?"she asked the man who was like a father to her.

"I think we should start our search from the Philippines. We only need the ship and a crew who'll get us to the different islands."

"We'll be on the move for quite some time." Ziva stated. Gibbs didn't answered and just kept drinking his coffee.

"My father left me some money. I never touched any of it. I did not want to use it after knowing how he earned it. But if it helps us to find Tony, then it has at least been used for something good in the end."

"I know someone on the Philippines who could help us. I'll call him."

Gibbs emptied his cup and went to get his coat. Ziva watched how he put it on and grabbed his keys."Where are you going?"

"NCIS. I've got to tell Vance that I'm leaving. Please feel like home." With that he left the house.

Ziva looked around the house indecisively. When she arrived yesterday, she hadn't looked if something had changed over the years. She had just gone directly to the basement. The only thing she took notice of where the goldfishes, but she ignored them. Though she wanted to see Gibbs she had been glad that he wasn't home then. But she soon wished that he'd be there because the loneliness gave her time to think. It had been bad enough that she had so much time to think on the flight to D.C.

She looked around the room. It hadn't change that much. Merely the fishes. Three and a half years have passed since she had last been here. So much time and it still looked as if she had just been here yesterday. It felt good. It felt like home. She hadn't expected to feel like this. She thought that it would feel strange to be here again, but she had been wrong. It just felt right.

When she emptied her coffee she went back down to the basement. The map Gibbs had pulled out of one of the drawers was still lying openly on the table. She examined it again. So much blueness and so many islands that were scattered all over the area. Could it be that he was on one of the more distant islands? If so, how did he get so far?

She placed gently her hand on the point Gibbs told her the ship had been found. "We're coming Tony. We'll find you."

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**Have a nice day :)**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hi guys, finally a new update.**

**This chapter will feature the team. I'm sorry if Ellie is out of character, I haven't seen a lot of episodes with her yet.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

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**Chapter 4**

Gibbs came back a few hours later, but Gibbs face showed its usual indifference and Ziva couldn't tell what could've went on at NCIS. Ziva had always been amazed by his ability of showing no emotions on his face, because in spite of his indifference there were times everyone knew that underneath this mask was a boiling volcano.

She too, had learnt to put on a mask of indifference when she started working for Mossad. She had to if she wanted to keep her thoughts and emotions away from her enemies and sometimes from her co-workers too. But when she came to NCIS, her mask seemed to crumble and her feelings where sometimes visible to others. Especially Tony had always been able to recognize what was going on with her.

While Gibbs was at NCIS sorting out everything with Vance, she did too. She called her colleague and friend Yael. Yael should know that she won't come back to work for some time, but she didn't tell her the reason. She just told her that it was because of private matters she had to take care of. Yael knew that Ziva had a hard life before working with her, but she knew no details and she didn't need to. Yael understood it and had never felt the need to ask her friend about it and Ziva was very grateful for that.

Yael was the only one she called. She had nobody else to call. She still lived in the secluded house and that led to the fact that she didn't meet a lot of people. Maybe it was another fact that deep inside Ziva knew that she would eventually return to America. To her home. To her family.

Gibbs took off his coat and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Ziva followed him, waiting for him to say something.

"Well, I'm officially retired."Gibbs began the conversation and waited for him to continue. Somehow she guessed that it would end like that."Vance wasn't happy about it, but he understood. Even told me to meet him when I'm back."

"And the team?" asked Ziva.

Gibbs sighed and poured the coffee into his cup. "They're also not happy about it but just like Vance they understand. Even more so. They'll be coming over later."

This got her attention. The team was coming over? She could see her friends again? Ziva just acknowledged how much she really missed them and couldn't wait to see them again. Did they know she was here? How would they react? Were they angry that she left without telling goodbye? There were so many questions running through her head and now she was nervous. Happy and nervous of seeing her friends again. Her family.

"Do they know…?"

"I've told them that you're there."

She nodded affirmative. She pictured all kinds of scenarios of how their meeting would proceed. Actually she really couldn't see how they wouldn't be angry with her. Ziva felt a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Don't worry. They won't bite your head off. Even if they may not happy with your decision about leaving without any word they understand your reasons. Tony took care of that." assured her Gibbs.

Tony. Even when he was probably the one that got hurt the most by her decision to leave he still had her back. He was the perfect partner and even after three years of no contact, she'd still trust him with her life. She knew that she'd be safe with him.

Despite Gibbs reassurance that everything will be okay she was a little nervous. As the door opened an hour later and the team entered the house as a closed unit, she was overcome with many emotions. Joy that after such a long time she was able to see her friends again. Nervousness and fear of being rejected. Satisfaction that she could finally see with her own eyes that they were doing just fine without her. But the biggest feeling of them all was grief. Grief for the fact that three and a half years she had been part of this unit. A part of this family. She missed them every day but thought that they'd be better off without her and her troubles. Somehow she felt like a stranger now. An outsider who had no permission to be here. To be present at this family meeting.

Since she didn't know how to behave she just stood there and waited. One by one entered Gibbs' house. She scrutinized everyone, memorizing every detail that changed since she last saw them. Surprisingly there weren't many changes. They looked like always, making her feel like she just saw them yesterday. The only one she didn't know was the young, blond woman behind McGee. This had to be Ellie Bishop.

"Ziva!" A scream startled her and she turned towards the voice but all she was able to see was something black that was approaching her before she was pulled into a tight embrace. "We missed you so much! Don't leave ever again without saying goodbye and keeping contact, do you understand?"

She nodded and this time she couldn't hold back and a tear was running down her put her arms around Abby and suddenly all nervousness rushed out of her. How she missed Abby's hugs. It felt like Abby would crush her ribs but still she didn't let go."I missed you too. I am so sorry that I left without saying goodbye."

When Abby finally let go she had hardly time to see who stepped closer and put its arms around her. This time it were stronger arms and the person was bigger than Abby. McGee was one of the people she had no idea how he'd handle her return, but as always he was the good-natured, understanding gentleman. The best brother she could've always wished for. "Good to see that you're fine."

She squeezed her arms as a confirmation that she had heard him. Ducky and Palmer greeted her also, like always kind and full of niceties. Somehow it felt like she had never been gone. She looked at a young woman standing uncertainly at the door. This had to be her successor. Of course she didn't expect a greeting as heartily as with the others. They didn't know each other and it would be oddly and forced.

They looked both unsure as how to greet the other. None of them knew how to behave. Ziva smiled encouragingly at her. She walked over to her and offered her hand to Ellie who automatically shook it. "You must be Ellie bishop. My successor."

"And you must be Ziva. The boys have told me about you."

"Really? Nothing bad I hope." joked Ziva. She hoped that that was the case but she could really understand if not all things had been good. There were many things in her life she wasn't proud of.

"Don't worry. Everyone spoke in the highest tones of you. Sometimes I got the feeling that I wouldn't be able to fill in the hole you left."

"I am sure you filled it just fine." Ziva ensured her and Ellie smiled thankfully.

McGee cleared his throat to get the attention of everyone."So, you going to look for Tony?"

"If the authorities couldn't find him then we have to." answered Gibbs.

"We should come along." started McGee but was quickly interrupted by Gibbs.

"You're needed here."

Abby went to Gibbs and pulled him into a tight embrace. Before letting go she pulled herself further up to whisper something into his ear. "Bring him home, Gibbs."

"I will."

* * *

**Enjoy your evening :)**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hi guys,**

**I know it's been a while and I'm really sorry for the long wait, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right?**

**May had been a great month, with short weeks and lots of loooong weekends, giving me enough time to catch up on my stories.**

**Hope you enjoy this update.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Ziva put down her travel bag on a small bed of the motel they'd be staying the night in. The bed looked old and filthy, and not very inviting at all, but it would suit its purpose for the night. After all they didn't plan on vacationing here on the Philippines, but to search the islands for Tony.

Gibbs laid his own travel bag on the other single bed. The flight had been long and both were tired, but they had no time to rest a little since they'll be meeting Gibbs contact at a little café close to their motel soon.

Saying goodbye to her American friends had been harder than she initially thought it would be. She hadn't seen them in such a long time, only to bid farewell again so soon. But it hadn't be a final goodbye. She'll see them again. She won't leave them again, that much she could promise anyone who'd ask her. Seeing them after her three years absence made her realize just how much she had missed them. How much she needed them in her life.

The team had promised to keep them informed about everything the government authorities knew about the prior search, and contact them via satellite phone.

"We should leave now." Gibbs exclaimed.

Ziva glanced up. "What is the name of your contact?"

"José. His name is José."

Ziva and Gibbs left their little motel room and entered the vibrant streets of Tacloban City. Ziva hoped Gibbs knew the way to the coffee shop since she had never been in Tacloban City before. She had to rely completely on him, following him blindly through the streets and kept a close eye on her surroundings.

Even after such a long time, the many years of working for Mossad couldn't be forgotten that easily.

The city itself seemed interesting, and she found herself asking what it would be like to live here. It was both fascinating and sad, that even after such a long time the impact of the natural disaster was still visible. She couldn't fathom how it was to live through such a horror scenario.

Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the coffee shop they'd meet José at. Gibbs was first to enter, scanning the room for his old friend.

José sat at one of the tables in the back, standing up almost immediately after seeing Gibbs enter. Both had a big grin on the lips while shaking hands. It was obvious they both were happy to see each other again.

"Gibbs, it's been a long time, but you still look the same as the last time I saw you all those years ago." José laughed, and Gibbs joined in.

"What can I say, I had luck with my genes."

José laughed again before he turned his attention to Ziva. He eyed her up and down, smiling friendly as he reached his hand out to her. "Ms. David, I presume?"

"Please, call me Ziva."

"Alright. Please sit down. We have a lot to discuss." José said, motioning them to sit down.

Gibbs and Ziva took their seats on the opposite side. A servant took their orders. Coffee sounded like heaven to them after their long flight. "So? Do you have a ship for us?"

"You insult me, Gibbs! You should know by now that I'm able to help you with anything you're asking me to do. I have yet to let you down."

"That's true. You've never disappointed me before." The servant came back with their orders. Gibbs immediately took a sip, enjoying the feeling of the hot beverage making its way down his system**. **"What about a crew?"

"I have thirty men for you, ready to set sail. But I have to warn you. Those men are all just fishermen, whom are out to make a buck. They're not trained military, might even not be able to defend themselves if something should happen, and the ship isn't really on the same level as the newest ships. I don't know anything about your plans, but I thought you should know that before engaging into dangerous situations. Sorry, Gibbs. With the deadline you set,I couldn't get you better equipment and crew members."

"They merely have to be able to ship us from island to island. Nothing more."

José rubbed his neck. "They want half of the payment in advance. You will be on sea for a while. Their families need the money for food and other necessaries while their men are gone."

Ziva and Gibbs shared a look, but it shouldn't be a problem to pay them in advance. They live in hard times. "Fine. They'll get their first half before we leave." Ziva replied.

"What about supplies?"

"I got as much as I could in such a short amount time. It should suffice for some days, maybe two weeks at the most. It's being loaded on the ship as we speak."

"Meaning we can depart tomorrow morning without any delays?" Gibbs asked. He wanted to depart as soon as they could.

José took the last sip of his coffee. "Of course. And one more advice: enjoy your last day on firm ground. You will be on sea for a long time." José said, stretching the word _long_. He laid some money for the coffee on the table and rose. "If you will excuse me now, I still have some things to take care of. I will see you tomorrow at 07:00 am at the harbor."

Gibbs and Ziva bid their goodbyes to José. José seemed like a loyal friend, doing everything he could to help a friend. It was not the first time since entering the little coffee shop that Ziva asked herself from where Gibbs and José knew each other.

"How did you two meet?"

Gibbs emptied his cup of coffee before answering José's question. "It's a long story. But I trust him."

* * *

It was 06:45 am in the morning as Ziva and Gibbs arrived at the harbor. After meeting José yesterday, they returned to their motel room to get some rest. They wanted an early start, couldn't wait to begin their search.

But going to bed early didn't help Ziva. She didn't fall asleep anytime soon, couldn't stop turning restlessly around in bed. Thoughts of Tony kept her mind running, all kinds of possibilities. Was he really still alive? Were they crazy for thinking they could find him after such a long time? She had often thought about him while she was in Israel. She'd have never thought that he was missing for three years.

But she trusted Gibbs. She trusted him without one bit of doubt. And if he thought that Tony was still alive, that there was a possibility that they would see him again, talk to him, touch him, then it had to be true. Right? Gibbs was hardly ever wrong.

During the night she often glanced over to Gibbs, content that at least one of them got some rest. She admired him for being able to sleep at such a time, surely having the same thoughts like her sometimes during the days. But maybe he was more used to the knowledge of Tony's disappearance. He knew for the last three years. Maybe after some more weeks she too, would be able to find sleep easier than now. But she hoped that the next time she could have a good night's sleep again was due to them finding Tony. Alive.

José already waited for them, a coffee cup in his right hand. He stood in front of the ship that would take them out to the wide ocean. The crew was already on board, doing the last adjustments for their trip. Ziva couldn't believe that they finally would begin their search for Tony. Their own search, and unlike the authorities they wouldn't stop until they found him.

It was still surreal for her. Just days ago, she would have never thought that she'd be on her way with Gibbs, having chartered a ship to search some islands for Tony who'd disappeared three years ago.

Three years. Three years and she never knew about it.

She failed. She failed him as a friend.

She failed the moment she had decided to stay in Israel.

"Well it looks like we have to say goodbye again, my friend."

"Thanks for your help, José. We wouldn't be able to set sail that fast if it wouldn't be for your help."

"I'm always happy to help friends." José replied smiling at them. Ziva stood aside from them, giving Gibbs and José time to bid their farewells. They didn't see each other often and still after years and years, their friendship continued on. True friends were rare these days.

"I don't want to be rude, but do you have the money?"

Ziva pointed to one of the little bags in which they stored the money for the advance payment for the crew members. She was glad that she finally found a good used for Eli's money. Ziva hadn't touched any of it, would never even think about spending it on herself. "It's in there. Half of their payment." She passed the back containing the money to José.

"Thanks. I will leave you now to give out the money to the families of the crew members. I suggest you enter the ship. They will be ready to depart any minute now."

Gibbs and José shook hands, before Ziva and Gibbs watched José leaving towards the families who waited at the harbor waving their loved one goodbye.

The lower part of the ship was painted in a deep blue, while the upper part was white. There were three floors.

As they entered the ship and stood on the deck, a grey-haired man walked up to them. He looked like someone who went straight by the rules, but he put a friendly smile on his lips, as faked as it may be, and offered his hand to them.

"Welcome on my ship. I am the Captain of this expedition. May name is Melchor. You must be the two Americans paying for everything."

"We are. I'm Gibbs, this is Ziva David."

"That means everyone is finally on the ship. I have received exact instructions from José and we worked out a route. But there is one thing that remains unknown. The reason behind this _special_ trip. What is it exactly you two are searching for?"

"We're looking for a friend. You don't need to know more than that, and we'd appreciate if this information stays between us. Their job is it to just get us to the islands." Gibbs threw a pointed glance at the captain.

The captain grumbled. "That's right. As long as my crew will be safe, I don't care what your plans are exactly. I have ordered to get your cubicle prepared and it should be ready by now. We'll depart in five minutes. I will be in the control room if you need me."

They watched the Captain leave. Ziva didn't know about Gibbs, but she had no good feeling about _Captain_ Melchor. There was something about him that didn't sit right with her. Something that could cause them some difficulties. She just hoped she was wrong, because they didn't need any problems on their trip, as small as they could turn out in the end.

"Alright, come on. Let's stow away our bags." Gibbs grunted and walked into the directions of the cubicle.

Ziva was about to follow him as somebody crashed into her. She hadn't paid attention for a moment, probably her fault for her crash with one of the crew members. Looking up, she looked into the young face of one of the men who were securing their supplies. He must be in his mid-twenties, definitely not older than twenty-eight. The young man had short black hair and brown eyes, and a trained, athletic body figure. He just stared at her with big eyes, Ziva cleared her throat.

"I am very sorry. I should have paid more attention to where I was going." Ziva apologized. She was really sorry for running into the young man.

"It is fine, Ma'am. Nothing happened." The man answered rather clumsily.

"Please, my name is Ziva. I'm not a big fan of _Ma'am_. It's sounds like I'm an old lady." Ziva joked and the man smiled.

"Alright, Ziva. My name is Danilo."

"Well, I am pretty sure we'll see each other again, Danilo." Ziva bid her goodbye and began to hurry after Gibbs, who had moved towards their cabins. She never noticed how Danilo's eyes followed her dreamingly.

* * *

**Before I get thousands of messages because of Danilo, please don't worry. I'm a TIVA fan, and I don't plan to do a love triangle. But I can tell you that Danilo is a major character in this story.**

**Wish you all a great week!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hi guys,**

**The next chapter is waiting for you :D**

**Enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"Captain!" the first mate shouted.

"What is it?" Melchor asked.

"I think you should look through the binoculars." the first mate responded and passed the binoculars to his captain. Melchor looked through the binoculars and was surprised.

"What island is that?"

"I have no idea, Captain. According to our maps there shouldn't be an island. The next one is two days away from our current position. Our sensors have discovered the island."

Melchor put the binoculars away again. Every island was on their map so why wasn't this one on it? The only islands that could be missing on it were small ones, too small to bother marking them on the map. But this one was definitely not a small island. Not many ships were sailing in this area because it was often heard that pirates were in this part of the ocean. Day and night Melchor watched the ocean, looking for any ship that would come closer to them and he won't sleep before they hadn't left this area again.

Melchor looked to his first mate who waited for further instructions. "Go! Go get the Americans."

* * *

Ziva stood on the deck leaning on the railing and kept her eyes on the horizon. They were now for three weeks on sea, already searched three islands for Tony but they had yet to find him or something that would lead them to him. They met some local people on the islands, but they haven't seen or heard of Tony either.

Maybe it really was just wishful thinking that Tony was still alive. Maybe they were just grabbing for straws, anything that could tell them that Tony was still somewhere out there.

But even if it was just wishful thinking, Ziva would continue their search.

She won't give up on him.

There weren't a lot of islands left to search through, so he _had_ _to_ be on one of the last ones. If he wouldn't be on one of them, the possibility of him being somewhere on the seabed would be getting more and more real.

"Gibbs, David!"

Ziva turned confused around to look for the source of the disturbance. Gibbs appeared at her side and glanced up to the first mate of the ship. The man bent over the railing so they could see him better. "The Captain wants to speak to you."

"What does he want now?" Ziva murmured irritated. Unfortunately her first impression of Melchor had been right. He wasn't a friendly person. Though he cared for the ship and the crew members, and seemed to be very good as a captain, he failed to be good at everything not concerning his job. But the crew trusted him. He fulfilled his job. That was enough for her.

"Stay calm, Ziver." Gibbs told her. He understood her irritation. He also wasn't a fan of the captain. But he _was_ the captain and they had to live with that fact.

As they entered the control room, the captain motioned for them to look through the telescope."Look to the northwest."

Ziva glanced through the telescope, staring surprised and confused at what she saw. She considered for a moment if she lost her sense of time, because the next island shouldn't even be in sight before tomorrow evening.

She passed the telescope over to Gibbs, so that he could see it for himself.

"Which island is this?" Ziva asked Captain Melchor.

Melchor stared concentrated at Ziva. Gibbs had put down the telescope as Ziva had asked the question and was now waiting for the answer of her question. "We do not know. There are not any islands marked on any maps for this area."

"Not marked? What does this mean? Shouldn't all islands be marked on maps nowadays?"

"They are. Only small islands, which are not big enough to be of interest, are not always marked on maps, though local people still know about them. But this islands is definitely not small. It should be marked on the map."

"There are sightings of pirates in this area. Many local fishermen surely avoid come out here." Gibbs noted.

Melchor nodded confirming. "That's true. Still, I should have heard of an island of this size." He looked through the telescope again. "Do you know how sailors call unknown islands? Ghost islands."

Ziva rolled her eyes at that statement. She wasn't interested in sailor's yarn. Biting back a sarcastic reply, she ignored the other two men and turned to Gibbs. "It's in our search area, Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded. "True. We should take a look around this island."

Melchor whipped around, shaking his head vehemently. "Mr. Gibbs, Ms. David, we have been on sea for two weeks now. We have not enough supplies to explore a complete new island. Besides we do not know what _is_ on this island!"

"If our friend is still alive, there's a possibility that he is on this island over there." Ziva argued, pointing to the island.

"She's right. It could be that he somehow ended up on this island." Gibbs strengthened their reasoning.

Melchor angrily grumbled something incoherent. He seemed to be anything but eager to anchor on an unknown and unexplored island. "You just said the magical word, Ms. David. _If_. _If_ he is still alive. And I'm not stupid. The man you two are searching for is the American who went down with that freighter three years ago. The one the authorities have searched for in the past. Tell you what, I have seen pictures of the wreck and if you would ask me, there is no chance that your friend lived through this accident. No one did."

"There is no proof for his death, so as long as there's even the slightest chance that he is on this island, we will look for him there!" Ziva voiced Melchor thought that he could stand a chance against a furious and determined Ziva, he surely was mistaken. She won't ignore this chance at finding Tony.

"Again, our supplies aren't enough for such an _adventure_!"

Before Ziva could reply, Gibbs got closer to Melchor trying to be diplomatically. Surely they could find a solution for their disagreement. One, everybody would be satisfied with. "How about we separate? One part of the crew goes with us to the island, the rest will fetch more supplies at the next harbor."

The Captain considered Gibbs suggestion for a moment, though he still didn't look like he would accept this solution. When he spoke, his voice was very firm. "Mr. Gibbs, with all due respect. The next harbor at which we could restock our supplies is a trip of five days from here. Do you really want to spend ten days on a unknown island all by yourself?!"

"Captain, we pay you for helping us to find our friend."

Melchor crossed his arms and kept staring furiously at their American guests on the ship. If those two wanted to go on that island, he couldn't stop them. He wouldn't care if they died on that piece of unknown territory. But he sure as hell won't endanger anyone of his crew. Traveling through this part of the ocean was dangerous enough with all those pirates around. "You know what? It's your money and if you want to through it out of the window, you can do it. But whatever happens to anyone of my crew is my responsibility. I won't make anyone go on that island. They have to go voluntarily. But I can already assure you that it will not be many. They are fishermen. Not soldiers or pioneers or anything else. They are easy targets in dangerous situations."

Gibbs nodded. "And even if we have to go alone, so be it."

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**Hope you liked it.**

**Reviews are welcome at any time :D**

**I haven't started the chapter yet, but we might be seeing a familiar face soon…..**


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